Home

It was late one night last week as I drove the dark quiet streets home.  My heart felt heavy with the weight of reflection both personal reflection in addition to experiential reflection on the Syria trip.  After re-entering my "normal life" back in the US I felt torn, almost divided.  My body was physically in the United States and my mind raced with the list of "to-dos" and a packed schedule of responsibilities and obligations yet my heart, oh my heart was thousands of miles away.  It was back in those ancient streets of damascus; I left it there in the mountains, in the marketplace, in the smiles of the shopkeepers. I didn't feel whole, I didn't feel at home even though I was in the place everyone would technically call my home.  I pulled into the driveway and shifted the car into park. I laid my head back on the headrest and closed my eyes.  My brow showed the tense struggle I felt internally, the old feeling of homelessness was returning. I fought it with all of my best rationale.  Guilt approached as I berated myself for even feeling down and lonesome after such a blessed experience.  I muttered, "Oh God where is my home?" A peace washed over me, the tension left my hands and face, and I pictured myself back in those rugged mountains near Maaloula; standing there, I felt engulfed by the power and might of my Lord in the mountains.  I felt so near Him, so moved by His greatest, beyond words... His soft and soothing voice said "You're home, wherever I am."  I opened my eyes and smiled.    How incredibly true.  I now truly feel at home wherever I feel the presence of the Lord, a place or building or relationship cannot house that, he is omnipresent.

 

So many times over the last five years I have struggled with an ache for my home.  I have missed my family.  I missed the home we shared, the laughter, the stories, and the memories it housed.  I have wanted a place to call mine ever since, yet the contentment I have found knows no address or name it is in the context of a relationship of obedience and faith with my Father that I experience His comfort, His security.  I am at home when I am near Him.  This helped me find contentment in the days following as I continued to adjust back to life here while still missing the people and spiritual places of Syria.  I know He will take me back East but until He directs me there I continue to find my joy and contentment where He has place me right here, right now.  The present is beautiful and full of meaning, opportunity, and growth.  I am home because I am His.