Loved by my King

I just have to share how incredibly loved I feel by the Lord right now.  I sing His praises everyday for how He has redeemed my life, rewritten my most painful stories and authored a new chapter of grace and overflowing love in my life.  There is a season for all things and I have experienced such a long season of tearing down, mourning, and uprooting but now, Now God's grace has ushered me into such a beautiful season of laughter, building up, and dancing before Him. I truly feel like His beautiful, loved, precious daughter. For so long  I felt like a disappointment before God, a failure, worthless.  But God's hand has drawn me out of that pit of destruction and shown me the reality of who He is and the kind of intimate relationship we can have.  It's beautiful to see Him at work in my life and to see how He not only meets my needs but fulfills and exceeds my heart's desires.  I am a blessed daughter of the King!  Blessed doesn't mean all circumstances of life will be easy, painless, etc but it does mean I have all I need in Him to experience victory and joy regardless of the storm raging around me or not. I cannot praise Him enough for saving Him me from ... myself, from hopelessness and from utter lonesomeness without Him.  I love Ecc 3:11 below "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." I cannot fathom the work of God but all I know is that I want to be in the midst of it, I want to continue to watch Him make beautiful those things that were once ugly and seemingly destroyed, like me. I want to live the adventure of a life committed to Him, up for anything He throws my way - no limits, no boundaries on what I will do, where I will go, who I will love.  1 John 4:18 says "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.."

 

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4,7-8, 11-14

 ¹ There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: ² a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot ³ a time to kill and a time to heal,  a time to tear down and a time to build, ⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, ⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, ⁸ a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. ..¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. ¹² I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. ¹³ That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. ¹⁴ I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.

 

My worship song right now is "How He Loves Us" by David Crowder band.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWgeUrD4MHI&NR=1.  Just listen and read the words below. 

 

 

He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us oh
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don't have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

That He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

Hope Resides in Relationships

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/8519506.stm

Hopeful about the new ambassador appointment but not pleased with the Republican response:

"But Republicans criticised the nomination as rewarding an enemy. 'With this nomination, our foreign policy again risks sending the message that it is better to be an intractable enemy than a co-operative, loyal US ally,' said the top Republican on the House of Representatives foreign affairs committee, Ileana Ros-Lehtinen."

We have got to drop the term enemy when we talk about Syria, they are not our enemies. We are not at war with Syria. Syria is a vital player in the Middle East peace process and should be treated with respect and value for their position and influence in the region. The collective punishmnet of sanctions on the Syria people b/c of the US's disagreement with some of Syria's politics is ineffective and maintains a devisive and untrustworthy relaitonship between the governments. The appointment of an ambassador does not demonstrate complete agreeement with Syrian policy but it shows respect and value in a relationship between the governments. If the goal is to develop a worldwide political community of co-operative US allies then how would one expect to build that other than to put people in positions to build those relationship where they have been broken in the past? C'mon people! The Republican response is disheartening but thank goodness for those who stand in opposition to this attitude. We must push for peace and work towards saving lives. Hope resides in relationships.

Home

It was late one night last week as I drove the dark quiet streets home.  My heart felt heavy with the weight of reflection both personal reflection in addition to experiential reflection on the Syria trip.  After re-entering my "normal life" back in the US I felt torn, almost divided.  My body was physically in the United States and my mind raced with the list of "to-dos" and a packed schedule of responsibilities and obligations yet my heart, oh my heart was thousands of miles away.  It was back in those ancient streets of damascus; I left it there in the mountains, in the marketplace, in the smiles of the shopkeepers. I didn't feel whole, I didn't feel at home even though I was in the place everyone would technically call my home.  I pulled into the driveway and shifted the car into park. I laid my head back on the headrest and closed my eyes.  My brow showed the tense struggle I felt internally, the old feeling of homelessness was returning. I fought it with all of my best rationale.  Guilt approached as I berated myself for even feeling down and lonesome after such a blessed experience.  I muttered, "Oh God where is my home?" A peace washed over me, the tension left my hands and face, and I pictured myself back in those rugged mountains near Maaloula; standing there, I felt engulfed by the power and might of my Lord in the mountains.  I felt so near Him, so moved by His greatest, beyond words... His soft and soothing voice said "You're home, wherever I am."  I opened my eyes and smiled.    How incredibly true.  I now truly feel at home wherever I feel the presence of the Lord, a place or building or relationship cannot house that, he is omnipresent.

 

So many times over the last five years I have struggled with an ache for my home.  I have missed my family.  I missed the home we shared, the laughter, the stories, and the memories it housed.  I have wanted a place to call mine ever since, yet the contentment I have found knows no address or name it is in the context of a relationship of obedience and faith with my Father that I experience His comfort, His security.  I am at home when I am near Him.  This helped me find contentment in the days following as I continued to adjust back to life here while still missing the people and spiritual places of Syria.  I know He will take me back East but until He directs me there I continue to find my joy and contentment where He has place me right here, right now.  The present is beautiful and full of meaning, opportunity, and growth.  I am home because I am His.

 

in the news

Check out a great article posted by GMU about our trip!

 

http://news.gmu.edu/articles/1654
 

One of my favorite quotes by the Grand Mutfi: "A handful of American dust mixed with a handful of Syrian dust, when mixed together cannot be separated again in order to distinguish between what was American and what was Syrian."  I loved the unity we experienced there with our Syrian brothers and sisters.

 

 

new ambassador, new possibilities

The US has chosen a new ambassador to Syria, we now await the final approval from the Syrian government on his/her acceptance.

http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5hC2ubvYK325InS0B_U-VkzaT2b0w

I pray that this individual will work to improve the US-Syrian relationship. This is huge as we have not had an ambassador in Syria in five years. I hope the US has made a wise choice in their selection. We need to engage with the government and people of Syria and reframe the relationship from one of a relationship with foes to friends.

State-side

So after being back in the states for a couple days I am just now recovering from the jetlag and yet still emotionally overwhelmed from the trip. I sit here in my warm bed with a sleepy puppy looking up at me with eyes questioning why I am still awake. The past two days back home have served as an interesting adjustment back to American culture and into my typical lifestyle and routine. The fast-paced days filled with bustling traffic and a long list of to-do items seem so normal in this world. I dove right back into work and classes (a week behind classes already I might add). Several times throughout the day I find my mind drifting back East, picturing the memories of friendly shopkeepers, warm lemon tea, smiling faces of syrian colleagues, and dusty ancient cobbled roads that seem so terribly inviting and divine in comparison to home.

Story of forgiveness, breaking cycle of violence and healing hearts

A talented translator, Fullbright scholar, and humorous colleague, our new Syrian friend and translator sat before us sharing his story. It was a Tuesday morning in 1979 as he, as a three year old boy, rode next to his father in their Volkswagen through the streets on Damascus headed to kindergarten. A normal morning in every way until they stopped at a red light, when two men armed with machine guns fired 69 bullets at the car, 12 of which hit his father and one hit him. His father recovered with minor injury though three bullets are still lodged in his body. However our dear friend's body was forever changed by that one bullet, which caused spinal injury. He has been wheel-chaired bound since age three.

At that time the Muslim Brotherhood was involved in a movement attacking intellectuals, professionals, military and government officials in Syria. Our friend's father was not in fact an official; he worked as a translator as his son does now. The family can only assume that the wrong car was targeted in the attacked. They do not know what has happened to the men.

Growing up, his father kept saying that they must forgive the people who did this and not wish ill on them or their children. Our friend has never held hatred toward the people who attacked him, he does not suffer nightmares or dreams of them. There is an Arabic saying that says, "a charcoal hurts where it is". Every September the family celebrates the day of the attack with a cake. They celebrate the fact that they are still alive and live on. My friend said there have been times he has heard his story on the radio and yet the names and dates are different, the story of his attack is not unique. Yet his story does not end with his physical repercussions, but it is the emotional affects that are so beautiful and noteworthy to share.

i dont have the words

My beloved ones, I am sorry I just can't say that I have the words to share with you right now all that is on my heart. I am overwhelmed and just need some time to let the stories, the emotions settle in and sift through. I am thinking about our translator for the week at the academy, he is wheelchair bound since age 3 when he and his father were attacked by a terrorist group and when he told his story alll he spoke up was forgiveness and the need for reconiliation and healing of his peeople as he has personally experienced. I am thinking about the Grand Mufti of Syria an amazing, honorable man and Islamic leader who spoke of unity as a global community, compassion particularly for the orphans of Iraq but also for all peoples deprived of basic needs, and love for our brothers and sisters irregardless of religious or ethnic differences.

The concept of Citizen Diplomacy

The work of Citizen Diplomacy emphasizes the value of deep relationships between all people, particularly those divided by cultural, religious, ethnic and various identity differences. It is a lifestyle choice of unconditional love for people and a choice to see the inherent value of all people, not a hierarchal perspective of people groups ranging from most valuable to least valuable, which is often how we relate to the world. We often look at people and relationships in terms of the benefit they can offer us (both at an individual level as well as in the political and foreign relations world). Citizen diplomacy is standing as we did yesterday a Christian, a Muslim, and a Jew side-by-side in a church respecting and supporting one another and each worshipping and praying in our own personal fashion. It was a powerful symbol of how love can bring people together in the reality of their differences but with the presence of authentic love and a hopeful vision for a peaceful future in community together. In this field we often find ourselves fixated on the technical work of problem-solving. But we argue that citizen diplomacy instead focuses on the emotion and depth of genuine relationships and envisioning a future for the relationship. This offers a hopeful, optimistic viewpoint of the possibilities as opposed to a purely pragmatic and generally negative focus on the problems. When we stop focusing on how to fix people or situation we will know how to relate and respond.

reflections from the mountain tops

Mountain at Sadnaya

So many things on my mind today to sort through but most prominently the visit to Saydnaya, an ancient Greek Orthodox Church on a mountain top about an hour outside of Damascus. It was a windy drive up the rocky mountainside to the church above. As I ran my hand along the old stone walls I thought of the thousands of people who have worshipped my Lord in this place for so many years. The history is weighty, particularly as this church was known as the second most important Christian church other than Jerusalem during the Crusades. It is heartbreaking to think of the violence committed by the Christian Church in the "name of God" and yet the understanding that this place is also a place of healing for those who enter its walls and its sanctuary. I attended a mass in aramaic , the language of Christ, which is now (per my understanding) only spoken in Syria and in particular in that city. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I took communion, as I prayed, as listened to the women sing. I had no words to say or really even pray other than to thank God for bringing me to this place and praising his holiness. As I looked up to see the image of Jesus hanging on the cross I was overwhelmed with my very proximity to the holy land and the places where he walked and taught and loved and healed and sacrificed. It was an amazing experience to stand next to my professor, a peacemaker and a rabbi and worship. To think of the brother and sisterhood that we share as people, as members of the Abrahamic faiths it is painful to comprehend how much "we" have worked to destroy one another over the centuries instead of loving each other. I am thankful for this man's leadership and groundbreaking work that has cost him so much. I prayed for God to heal this land, to heal the pain of the peoples and for his name to be glorified. It was also encouraging to see Christians, Jews and Muslims together touring this ancient holy place, it indicates reason for hope that we can respect one another's differences and belief systems and appreciate the beauty of it. Just as we visited the mosque yesterday and saw a diverse crowd of visitors, the same could be said of today's trip to a Christian holy place and that encourages me.

Exhausted after a full day in Damascus

I have just climbed into bed after a long wonderful day in Damascus. I just took my first shower tonight as well and oh by was that in order! The water had been ice cold this morning so I put some curls in my hair, washed my face and started the day. But after a day and a half of walking around in a dusty city the shower tonight was needed and felt divine, though only hot for about 5 minutes - it was enough. Anyways, today we had class at the Syrian International Academy with Dr Gopin and several Syrian students and enjoyed a guest speaker sharing about syrian history and the US-Syrian relationship from a local perspective. It was passionate, engaging and very helpful to see the context through his eyes. This afternoon we visited a very famous mosque in the city, donning a hooded grey robe I entered an Islamic place of prayer and worship. The mosque was magnificant, from the walls to the ceiling every inch of the building was ornament and beautiful. I was surprised to see children running and playing in the mosque, I suppose I assumed a more somber and quiet atmosphere but instead I saw it is a community of families enjoying one another in their holy place.

Sunrise in Damascus

Good Morning my Beloved, the welcoming words I felt whispered to my soul this morning from the rooftop as I peered out over hundreds of homes, seeing the magisty of a sunrise over the outlines of both a mosque and and a church's steeple with a karge, strong mountain in the furthest background. I cannot believe I find myself in a city now over 35,000 years old. Last night I walked the dusty, cobble streets of the Old City thinking of the men and women who have walked these same streets thousands of years before me. I saw the smiles and heard the laughter of girl friends walking arm in arm and couples hand in hand and wondered about their stories. The people of Damascus are beautiful and so hospitable. We met several english and arabic speaking locals last night who so kindly helped direct and navigate us through the winding alleyways and streets of the Old City as we found oourselves lost more than once over the course of the night. We explored the old city as well as some of modern Damascus. As we walked around a church in Old city we saw a group of young boys playing soccer and joined, they practiced their english and we all laughed together, kicking the ball and probably both wondering about the other - it was fantastic.

Today is the day

Well the day has finally arrived! I am packed and ready to roll. A little anxious, stomache in knots but more than excited about this amazing opportunity. 24 hours fom the time I arrive at Dulles this afternoon I will be standing in Syria, how cool?! I will post again from overseas! Love you all.

Something to remember: "There is such a fine line between the stimulation of courage and recklessness, between encouragement of others and endangerment of their lives, between aid and imposition. There are careers, families, and lives at stake in places like Syria, and this must be constantly kept in mind as one tries to stimulate authentic change. Balance is the key to wisdom in both short-term and long-term approaches to citizen diplomacy and conflict resolution." - Dr Marc Gopin, To Make The Earth Whole

Preparation

Today is prep day in every way! As I sit in the office my mind is racing with the "to-do" list and things to pack and ensuring family members have all of the info they may need.... and then I look up at the TV screen and see the devastation that has happened in Haiti. I hear the Prime Minister say hundreds of thousands of people may have died. The gravity and pain of this reality is so sobering. I stop thinking about myself and start praying for the missing, the injured and the devastated families. There are destructive things like war that we can work to avoid but something like this earthquake is out of our control, devastaion happens whether we instigate it or not. So in that reality how do we operate? It is in this time of utter desperation and devastation that we can reach out to our neighbor and offer support that can transform their future. Where do I fit in? As I prepare to enter the Mid East, a world different than I have ever known, how do I prepare my heart for the people and the needs?

Thanks to my dear friend, the following quote speaks so clearly to my heart and hope in career and ministry work. "More and more of us are realizing something that our best theologians have been saying for quite a while: Jesus' message is not actually about escaping this troubled world for heaven's blissful shores, as is popularly assumed, but instead it is about God's will being done on this troubled earth as it is in heaven. So people interested in being a new kind of Christian will inevitabley begin to care more and more about this world, an they'll want to understand its most significant problems, and they'll want to find out how they can fit in with God's dreams actually coming true down here more often." - Everything Must Change by Brian McLaren. Living out the love of Jesus is not working to avoid pain and trouble but experiencing peace and giving love in the midst of it and this happens in the context of passionate relationships that bridge uncomfortable divides at times.

The beginning of a journey - 2010

I have started this blog to share my stories with friends and family throughout the year. It will begin with my journey to Syria on Thursday, include the joys and challenges of grad school studies, the birth of my new niece/nephew, a summer adventure and the completion of my Masters degree with anticipation for the start of a career/ministry in peacebuilding and reconciliation in 2011.

I chose Pink Clouds as the theme of this blog because since I was a little girl pink clouds have embodied the belief that dreams come true everyday, that hope must be clung to, and that my life can indeed be an adventure story founded in faith, passion, and love for my God and those around me. Pink clouds happen every day when day collides with night at sunset; they show the beautiful transfromation that comes from the mingling of light and darkness. Every time I see a sunset I smile, knowing the possibilities are endless and yet so very tangible if pursued by a determined spirit unwilling to compromise for less than fulfillment.

I begin 2010 excited, inspired, open and eager for all that is ahead. I want to be stretched and grown academically, spiritually and relationally. I want to hear the precious stories of the lives I am in conctact with. Life is all about story telling you know! I want God to open my eyes to see the conditions and needs of those around me. Every day is filled with meaning and opportunity, each one could be my last. I pray that I live with that perspective this year; that I am fully present, fully engaged in each circumstance and each relationship I find myself in. I want the hopeless to know the hope to which I cling, and the broken to find healing like I have, and the downtrodden to lift their eyes upward toward the heavens and see my pink clouds ... and stand.

Thank you for your interest in reading my stories and the love and encouragement you offer in my life. I am your sister, daughter, friend, partner, and servant. Always here, always yours.

On the path, unsure of where each turn ahead may lead me but fully committed to the journey and loving every moment of the unknown .....

Pink Clouds (my 5th grade poem)

Everything around her was black and white,
And her days were all the same.
They told her this was just the way life was.
They said she was only a dreamer.

A Voice within her told her there was more.
It said there was hope between dark and light,
Found in that instant called sunset.
At that moment the sky fills with Pink Clouds.

Pink Clouds promise fairy dust, sparkling castles,
Possibilities and treasure chests of hope.
She lived among the clouds,
Only in her dreams.

She awoke to another day of the same rules.
Suddenly she felt somethign in her hand,
As she unclasped her hand,
She discovered a piece of pink chalk.

The Voice told her to color a sunset,
And tell Them ... It could happen.